God's Timing + Pregnancy

Recently I have been struggling with God's timing of things in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know he has a perfect plan and it's way better than anything I could ever dream of, but sometimes I just get so frustrated with how he does things and I definitely don't understand the "why" behind it!

So Monica is 5 months, which I know is not very old, but Joel-Michael and I would really like to have another baby soon. Like if we got pregnant tomorrow we would be thrilled! Some of my friends have looked at me like I'm crazy when I have expressed this desire to be pregnant again. Others totally understand where I'm coming from.

In my head I am constantly going back and forth though. I do want to be pregnant and I do want to have a bunch of kids, but it seems that due to nursing I am currently infertile and unable to even have the choice to get pregnant right now.

On the one hand, I am happy that I am not able to get pregnant right now due to nursing because I know in the future I will appreciate this (particularly when we don't want to get pregnant right away - it will make abstaining less of an issue). But on the other hand, I really hate not having control over it. I want to be able to decide on my own (well, with my husband), whether or not we should get pregnant now or wait. I don't want my body deciding on its own.

Then again, it's nice that my body has naturally determined that I am not able to handle a pregnancy right now because Monica needs me too much. Some days I want to wean Monica from nursing so that I have my options back and also more freedom. Other days I feel incredibly sad thinking about her not needing me anymore in that way.

While I wish I was pregnant now, I secretly don't want to be pregnant again until I have lost all the baby weight from the first pregnancy! Ideally I would be more in shape, eating healthier, and just generally have a more balanced lifestyle. That is the part I find a little confusing because I didn't care the first time around if my life was in order or not. But for some reason I almost don't want to have another baby until I get my life figured out. Which is a little unrealistic! Lol. Maybe it's because after having Monica I know how important having a balanced lifestyle really is/will be!

And then there's the fact that I simply want to be pregnant because I think it will make me happy. It certainly would take away my jealousy of my friends who are pregnant with their second child already. It would take away the pressures of trying to get pregnant. It would eliminate people's questions and judgments (and likely add some different questions and judgments lol).

I just don't know. In some ways I want it so badly and in other ways it's nice not to have to think about it. It's nice not to feel additional tiredness. It's nice not to feel sick. It's nice not to be stressed about the lack of space in our tiny apartment. It's nice not to worry about bills or trips to the doctor or even the possibility of a miscarriage.

But it stinks to feel stressed about getting pregnant. It's frustrating to be jealous and incapable of making a choice. It's discouraging to hear negative feedback from friends about something that is so important to me. It's discouraging to think about the spacing gap that is increasing every day between my children. It's a little depressing that we can't have Irish twins this time around or maybe ever because of my cycle and nursing.

On the positive side of things again, it's nice knowing that I can spend my extra time working out. It's nice knowing that I don't have to deal with the stresses and tiredness that come with pregnancy. It's nice not to feel sick. It's nice knowing that I can actually lose my baby weight instead of immediately feeling like I look pregnant again. It's nice to only have one child to worry about. It's nice to have time to focus on Monica. It's nice to enjoy having a small family. It's nice not to be stressed about trying to find a bigger apartment or home. It's nice not being able to control anything because my body is doing what is the natural thing for it to do. It's nice not getting a choice in the matter and having the opportunity for my body to recover and heal from the stresses it went through!

I'm not really sure what else to say at this point. I've already repeated different things, but such is the nature of a blog rant for me! Non-stop writing without really thinking about what I may or may not have said already. Lol. In short, it's all in God's timing. Do I understand it? Not in the slightest. Will I later on in hindsight? Ideally, but not guaranteed. Ultimately would I want it any other way? Of course not. Am I happy for all my friends who are having their second child? Absolutely. No doubt about it. I am 100% THRILLED for all of them (in case any of you are reading this!). Do I feel jealous and wish I was in their shoes? Honestly, yes and no. But I am truly very, very happy for all of them. And I know my time will come. And I know there is a reason for it. And I know that no matter what happens, God has the best plan - better than any one that I could imagine. And ultimately that is how I get through the crazy, confusing, frustrating, "what the h--- is going on" kind of days. And that is real life.

Five Months

(5 Months = September 21 - October 21, 2016 AKA Weeks 18-22)

Month 5 Events and Milestones: 

Monica is 5 months today (or it was today when I started writing this lol)! It's crazy how time flies. Some days I think she is so small but then I see newborn babies and I feel like she's so big already! I just keep thinking about how next month she'll be six months and I associate 6 months with babies sitting up, starting to eat baby food, and just generally acting older. It almost makes me a little sad to see how fast she is growing, but at the same time I love seeing how her little personality is developing and it's exciting to think about what she'll be like when she's walking around and talking.

Monica and her cousin, Maddie-Jo

Over the last month lots of exciting things have happened with her growth. She's been sleeping an average of 8-9 hours a night with the occasional 10-11 hours. Her bedtime tends to be between 8 and 10pm generally. She is now down to 5 feedings a day with no regular nighttime feedings. I say "no regular nighttime feedings" because off and on for the last month she has woken up in the middle of the night and just doesn't know how to fall asleep very well on her own yet so I will occasionally end up nursing her. 

Some nights we get lucky and she just needs her pacifier. Other times she needs to be rocked back to sleep. And if I'm really tired and/or rocking just isn't working, this is when I will usually nurse her because I'm SO tired I usually have my eyes CLOSED while walking around and it's much faster to feed her and put her back to bed! Lol but of course by the time I decide to nurse her it's because 30-60 minutes have passed and I suddenly realize in my zombie state of mind that it really wasn't worth all that time! However, I know she does not NEED to eat at night anymore, so I try my best to help her go back to sleep without nursing.

Isn't she so cute with her daddy? ;)

At the end of September we borrowed a Bumpo seat from Mickey's sister, Regina. So far Monica seems to love sitting in it because she can see more of what's going on around her. She usually only sits in it for 10-15 minutes at a time, but it's nice to have an item that keeps her happy and doesn't take up much space!

The biggest thing we did this month was take Monica on a 5 day, 4 night road trip to PA, CT, and NY. One of Joel-Michael's household brothers was getting married in Connecticut and he was able to get the time off of work so we made it into a big road trip, which was a lot of fun and of course well-documented with pictures ;) Hopefully I'll get around to a separate post on everything we did, but the major highlights include a stop to Hershey Park, the wedding itself, and a trip to the Statue of Liberty!

Other miscellaneous highlights include the fact that Monica has figured out how to splash around in her little bathtub. It's really funny to watch because she'll lift up both legs and shove them down again into the water. I would share my photos/video, but I really don't think that sort of thing should be on the internet, so you'll just have to come visit us if you want to see them ;)

Another big skill Monica has achieved is scooting. She is quite the little backwards scooter. We caught her going all the way under the couch a few days ago. She hasn't quite figured out how to go forwards yet but I don't doubt that that will be happening soon!

And last but not least, Monica went on a big trip to the pumpkin patch with Grandma Recznik, her cousin Maddie-Jo, and several aunts. Unfortunately she was in a fairly grumpy/tired/upset mood. But we still managed to get quite a few cute shots of her in the patch and it was a lot of fun!

Eating and Sleeping Habits:

Eating

• Week 19 was the first week when Monica only ate 5 times
• Weeks 20-22, she has fairly consistently only needed 5 feedings a day
• Occasionally 6 times if I get too exhausted trying to help her fall asleep and then just feed her in the middle of the night
• Almost always goes at least 3 hours between feedings, but usually 3-4 hours and it has been as long as 5 hours

Sleeping

• We tried a little "cry-it-out" sleep training to see if we could help her learn to fall asleep better on her own, but we probably weren't consistent enough and it had mixed results. Oh, and did I mention she's still in the same room as us? Yeah, that made it more challenging! lol
• Week 20ish she started taking 2 1/2 hour naps once a day, usually in the mid-afternoon, which was fantastic!
• Week 19 She started sleeping 8-9 hours a night and has continued doing so!

Growth

No new info yet until her 6-month appointment next month!


Overall

I feel like I said a lot and nothing at the same time in this post. lol. But it has been a lot of fun watching Monica grow and learn to do new things. Sometimes it seems like she does something new and different every day. She makes us laugh a LOT with her funny faces and silly antics and it makes being a mom (and dad) so great! It also makes me want more kids.....lol. Looking forward to lots more adventures!

Four Months

(4 Months = August 21 - September 21, 2016 AKA Weeks 14-18)

Month 4 Events and Milestones:

This month I discovered just how much Monica looks like me/my side of the family - look at this adorable picture of me in a hat and the Monica in a similar hat! Crazy!! Most people tell us that they think Monica looks like me, my dad, and/or my little brother Timothy. There are still people who say that they see Recznik aka Mickey in her, but fewer people seem to see it. She definitely got the skin coloring and the dark hair from him though!

I'm on the Left and Monica is on the Right

On August 30th, Joel-Michael had his written test for the Police Academy up near Cleveland, so we booked a hotel room and Monica and I went with him to hang out and help his study/relax before the test. I thought this big bow was really funny on her.

This next picture really symbolizes how I was feeling by month 4 because I actually had time and energy to bake! Hence the chocolate chip cookie dough....and I probably gained back some of the weight I lost. lol. But totally worth it!

We also discovered that Monica seems to like watching football with Daddy on Sundays. Well, I think she likes TV in general, but Mickey says it's football. We dressed her up in her cute Browns onesies from my friend, Joanie, and she was all set for Sunday Football.

My mom found this adorable walker toy which Monica loves and since we don't currently have one at our apartment, it's great for her to use walker/standing toys at both Grandmas' houses!

This month we spent a lot of time tidying up and organizing our apartment, so here is the giant pile of clothing that I have for Monica from size Newborn - 3T. I only have a few things for the sizes over 18 months, but I can't resist any and all free clothing items that we're given (unless they're flat out ugly or weird) lol so I've been stocking up. Here's hoping we have more than one girl though otherwise they won't get too much use!

But I think the biggest thing that happened this month was that I had a 50th wedding anniversary to photograph so I left her with Joel-Michael for a few hours. He was so great and real champion considering that she wouldn't eat the bottle I pumped for her. But luckily she was only about 30 minutes past her normal feeding time (which she has totally done before and been completely fine) and it wasn't too traumatizing for her!

Chilling with Daddy @ a Flag Football Game while I took pictures

As happy as I am that I have finally been able to get her to nurse very well and very efficiently, because she hadn't had a bottle since week 7 of her life, she is no longer used to taking them. Which is a huge bummer because I can't leave her places. More on this in another post, but it would seem that with Miss Monica the whole "if she's hungry enough she'll take it" just isn't true!

Oh and I almost forgot! Monica started learning to scoot backwards on September 4th (week 16) so that should make life interesting soon!

And I think those are all the big events from Month 4!


Eating and Sleeping Habits:

Eating

• Monica still eats 6 times a day.
• She still eats about 3-4 hours apart
• I moved her last feeding/bedtime closer to 9 or 10 pm though 

Sleeping

• Week 14 she slept 9 hours a night a few days
• Weeks 15-18 she went back to sleeping about 7-8 hours a night

Growth:

Height: 25 inches

Weight: 13lb 10oz


Overall

Life continues to get easier each day with Monica growing and being able to entertain herself (and us!) more and more. I started working on my photography business more, trying to find ways and make time to redo my website and gain more clients. Mom life is great and I couldn't be happier to be staying at home! So grateful for JM and his job which allow me to do so. :)

Three Months

(3 Months = July 21 - August 21, 2016 AKA Weeks 9-14)

Again, here I am 2 months late on this one, but better 2 months late than never!

Backtracking:

I forgot to mention in the previous month's post that Monica LOVES her tummy time! She has had crazy-strong neck muscles since she was born (she is constantly lifting her head up and being nosey), and a few days before her 2 month mark, I took this photo:

We also took Monica to not one, but TWO Pittsburgh Pirates Baseball games during Week 5 of her life, and took advantage of Joel-Michael's hotel discount to spend a few nights in Pittsburgh. It was a lot of fun and she was very well behaved. We got lucky enough to sit in front of a huge family reunion and everyone was so nice to us. I even managed to nurse her during the game with no problems! It was finding a diaper changing station that was the hard part! You would not believe how few bathrooms actually have a baby changing station - SO FEW! Okay rant over. We had a great time overall though :)

Month 3 Events and Milestones:

Monica has grown so much in the last month. She is much more consistently sleeping through the night and she constantly smiles and talks all the time! I have finally started feeling MUCH more normal since hitting 3 months. It's almost magical actually. I have a feeling that after we have another baby I will be looking forward to the 3 month mark eagerly. It must be all the sleep I've been getting! But onto the events of the last month.

My mom found and bought us a hanging toy for Monica to use and she loves it! She also found us some bows, which have greatly added to Monica's wardrobe and helped her to look more feminine. Monica has always been quite expressive, but capturing some of her many expressions on camera is always challenging but she is just SO funny!

Since we took Monica to a Pirates Game, it was necessary (of course) to take her to a Cleveland Indians game too! And luckily a few weeks earlier I had found a super-cute onesie for her that said Cleveland Indians on it so it was perfect. We dressed up in our gear and took her to the game. She slept for most of it which was nice for us and overall was fairly well-behaved. I only had to stand up with her at the end of the game.

When Joel-Michael's Aunt Leslie was in town, she requested that everyone dress up for family photos for her, so here are a few from our little in-house session. Nothing too fancy or professional, but it's always good to have at least SOME type of photos together :)

During this month, Monica started getting a little easier to hold and therefore dress up, so naturally I took advantage of this fact (and probably went a little overboard in some cases!)

You know that hanging toy my mom bought for us? Well Monica started learning to reach for the toys on August 8th (week 12), which was super fun to watch. We also bought a little swing for her to sit in because she LOVED the one at my parents house and would even take naps in it. It was definitely a lifesaver for me because she stayed happy on her own longer and I was able to find more time for exercising or cleaning or showering ;) lol. I know, I know, but showering is WAY more underrated than I thought!

We also kind of introduced her to TV a little bit....not that she really got the concept, but she would stare at it for about 5-10 minutes and end up falling asleep so that worked for me! And I almost forgot to include this, but Monica rolled over for the first time! I put her to bed on her stomach and when I went in to get her because she was awake, she was on her back! She did this several other times, but I still have yet to see her do it outside of the pack n play.

Probably the biggest event in this time frame was our big trip to West Point to visit my younger brother, Stephen! This really is overdue for its own blog post, which I certainly hope to do in the future, but for now a short blurb will have to suffice! Joel-Michael wasn't able to get enough time off from work, so Monica and I went on our own with my family. All of my siblings were able to make it as well as my grandma so it was really special! Monica did surprisingly well for her first big road trip and we had a great few days.

Her next big adventure was joining us for our annual trip to the Jefferson County Fair. As much as I love the fair, it was definitely a little different and a lot harder having a baby....We pushed her around in the stroller for a while and had both grandmas holding her at different times, but toward the end she got pretty fussy so I carried her around in the baby carrier. I think it will probably be a little more fun and a lot easier when she can walk around and sit on some of the rides. But I still got to eat lots of food (which is basically why I go lol) so it was still worth it!

Eating and Sleeping Habits:

Eating

• Week 10 she dropped down to 7 feedings
• Week 11 she was down to 6 feedings a day
• She ate an average of 3 but sometimes 4 hours apart
• There were rare middle of the night feedings
• Because Mickey was working the 3-11 shift, I usually tried to have her last feeding around 11pm or 12am to maximize our sleeping hours!

Sleeping

• Week 9 she started sleeping 6 hours a night
• Week 10 she started sleeping 7 hours a night
• Week 11 she started sleeping 8 hours a night!
• Week 13, she had mixed amounts but a few 8 or 9 hour chunks of sleep each night

Growth

No new info yet until her 4-month appointment next month!

Overall

As I said in the beginning, this was the best month to date in terms of how I started feeling. It was nice having Monica start entertaining herself, even for small chunks of time so that I could have some time back to myself :)

Two Months

(2 Months = June 21 - July 21, 2016 AKA Weeks 5-9)

Okay, okay, so I be might like 3 months overdue on this post and I definitely considered skipping it altogether, but then I realized that I would want to be able to look back through my blog and have Monica's accomplishments at 2 months documented ;) So here I am, 3 months late, writing about what Monica is (well, was lol) like at 2 months.


Backtracking:

Back in my post from June 21st, I forgot to say that Monica got her first bath ever on June 9th at Grandma's house! We used the new bathtub and I honestly let my mom do pretty much all of it because it made me nervous! lol. (Sorry I'm not posting photos bc I don't think they should be online)

Month 2 Events and Milestones:

A few days after Monica turned one month, Joel-Michael and I went to the YMCA together with Monica. He shot hoops like he usually does, and I put Monica in my handy baby carrier and walked around the inside "track" with her for a while. It felt good to be doing some sort of exercise - even though it was small. Considering that I was only about 5 weeks postpartum, I thought that it was pretty good to do anything at all! #FitFamily 

On July 14th, I started my first official workout program ever! Joel-Michael and I decided to try the 21-Day Fix (by Beachbody) food program together and I did the workout DVD's both on my own and also with his sister, Regina. Regina re-wrote the program schedule so that it became a 30-day program, which I have been doing off and on depending on whether or not Monica is sleeping (or if I can keep her entertained while I exercise!)

In this 2nd month of her life, we went to 2 different friends/family members weddings. One of my best friends from childhood/high school, Veronica and her now-husband, Matt got married on June 25th, and then on July 3rd, we celebrated with Joel-Michael's cousin, Pete, and his now-wife, Nicki. It was a lot of fun to dress her up in little girl dresses, although we did end up changing her outfit about halfway through each one to pajamas/onesies just because it is actually really hard to hold a baby in a dress who can't hold themselves up. 

Sometime around June 25th (5 weeks old), Monica started almost responding and smiling. They were a little far and few between but she was definitely smiling - and not from reflexes! :) And about a week later she started discovering her tongue and sticking it out more. She also started cooing just before she turned 2 months (around week 9), which is adorable!

Probably the biggest thing in Monica's life though during month 2 was her baptism! Due to various family members schedules and just general chaos and craziness that follows with a baby being born, we ended up picking July 4th for her baptism. For those of you who know us, this date is of course already significant to us because we got engaged on July 4th, 2014 and married on July 4th, 2015. So, in keeping with tradition, Monica was baptized on July 4th, 2016. Don't ask me what we'll do for the date next year - I haven't figured that out yet! ;) lol.

Her godparents are Joel-Michael's sister, Catherine, and my brother, William. We were so blessed to have lots of family and friends come out to support us and we are thankful for each of you who were able to make it - your presence meant a lot to us! 

Another big thing this month was that I photographed a wedding all day and left Monica with my mom for the day. Luckily for us she took bottles just fine (I attempted pumping but had mixed success due to lack of practice and hope to be better next time!). It was so weird and yet not at the same time to leave her for the day. However, it was nice to get back into photography again and also to know that she was in good hands for the day :)

Eating and Sleeping Habits:

Since I included this information in my one month post, here are what Monica's current eating and sleeping habits were during this time (for my future reference!):

Eating

• Weeks 5-9 Monica was eating on average 8x a day
• She usually ate every 2-3 hours
• There was 1 nighttime feeding, usually around 2 or 3am 

Sleeping

• Weeks 5-7 Monica continued sleeping about 3-3 1/2 hours at night, woke up to eat and then slept for 2-3 more hours.
• Week 7 she slept for 4 hours, 50 minutes(!) one night - which was her best time to date
• Week 9 she slept for 6 1/2 hours one night aka BEST NIGHT EVER
• She had a tendency to need LOTS of help falling asleep, particularly after her nighttime feeding so more often than not, I would fall asleep with her sleeping on top of me

Growth

Height: 22.5 inches

Weight: 11lb 4oz

Overall

In general I was still recovering but I began feeling better and better as my sleep increased! Exercising definitely helped me to feel better/more awake whenever I actually did it. Showering was definitely hard to fit in because Monica slept for very short chunks during the day. (That was something I hadn't counted on!). We continued to both want and need lots of help with holding and/or watching Monica just so I could have a little time to clean or cook or SHOWER. lol. I went for my 6 month postpartum appointment around week 7 1/2 and everything had healed great, all my stitches were out (hooray!). My PP bleeding had all stopped between weeks 4 and 5, with a little bit returning on week 6 PP, and then a little bit started again around week 8 from starting to exercise, but then nothing. Yay for Month 2! ;)

The Secret of the Onesie

Anyone who has been around babies enough has probably noticed the way their little onesies are designed. They have those funny overlapping flaps that most people think are to help it to fit over the baby's head. While this may be a benefit, it is actually not why they are designed this way. Up until recently, I honestly just thought it was a strange style or something.

When we were at our friend's wedding last week, one of our other friends was explaining to me how she had seen something on Facebook that talked about why onesies are made that way. This will revolutionize your baby onesie experience. lol. They are actually made that way so that you can slip the baby's arms out of them and pull it down and off the baby, particularly when a poopy explosive diaper happens! #LifeHackForTheWin

This buzzfeed article has a video and some pictures that give you a visual! I was SO excited to learn this and thought I would share because I literally used this new-found knowledge 2 days ago for Miss Monica's explosion ;)

This picture is from when she was 3 months old but she's wearing a onesie so it works ;)

3-Months old (lol back in August)

Happy Diaper Changing!

Wednesday Ramblings

So I really haven't posted in a while.....I've been meaning to....I've written numerous blog posts in my head but none "on paper" or "typed out" perhaps I should say ;) And since I haven't coherently thought this particularly post out, it will be some miscellaneous ramblings of what is on my mind!

Life has been good in the Recznik household. We just got back from a 5 day trip, which I am hoping to write about soon because I took lots of pictures and thought a lot about what I could say about it :) The short story of it is that we went to Connecticut for our friends' wedding and then made a vacation out of it by stopping in Hershey, PA on the way there and NYC on the way back :)

#JMBRecznik Family in NYC

Monica did great and actually improved her sleeping skills while on the trip which I am incredibly thankful for! Speaking of Miss Monica, I am long overdue for her 2, 3, and now 4 month blog posts.....thinking I'll combine those into one post! lol.

But she really has improved her sleeping because even though she has been sleeping 8-9 hours a night for a while now, she started waking up in the middle of the night for no reason about a month ago and wouldn't fall back asleep unless she was rocked to sleep and sometimes not even then :/ She definitely didn't need to eat so it was quite frustrating. However, on this trip she miraculously managed to figure out how to sleep all night long without waking up. And if she did wake up, she took her pacifier (which she used to do before the 3-month fiasco!) and went back to sleep. Yay for sleep which is much underrated!

This evening I really wanted to find something to make for dinner because even though I have a calendar full of ideas (see below), I still dislike repeating meals and want to have more variety! So I posted on FB for people's healthy meal options and landed on Stuffed Pepper Soup. This is my first time attempting it and it is currently simmering on the stove as I write. I will let you know how it turns out!

Meal Planning at its Finest

My Stuffed Pepper Soup

Because a road trip necessarily demands snacks, Joel-Michael and I indulged in lots of junk food, including chips, cookies, candy, and other really-bad-for-you foods. Along those lines, I haven't worked out since like September 10th because after working out continuously from July 14th-Sept 10th in order to lose my baby weight, I just NEEDED A BREAK. But now that I have eaten an over-abundance of junk food and also not worked out, I feel a strong urge to eat healthy and begin my workout routine again....there are still 5 pounds just hanging out, refusing to go away and I just can't have that!

Lol. I keep telling myself that it's only 5 pounds, but then when I think about the number of children I want to have (10-15), I realize that 5 pounds from each child would easily add up and I would be immensely overweight (50-75lb)! And so workouts here I come! :P

Anyway, I think that these are sufficient ramblings for one blog post! Enjoy your evening - here's hoping for more coherent thoughts next time!