Overcoming Lies & Being Brave

Last night I got back from a two-week vacation at the beach with mine and Joel-Michael's families. We had a great time and I hope to write more about our trip and share some photos but for now I want to talk about something else that I was thinking about all throughout the trip. 

Back in August or September of last year (2018), I read Jennifer Fulwiler's book, One Beautiful Dream, and it was amazing in so many ways (again, another post with more thoughts and reflections in the future). And I have been thinking of re-reading it because I need the reminder again about why and how pursing our passions and dreams, while still raising our families, is a good thing. 

I mention Jen's book, because when I read it, one of the things I loved was how she talks about finding your "blue flame." The simplest way I can think of to describe it, is that it's something that gives you energy, that lights you up, that makes you incredibly happy. It's something you're passionate about. For some people, that's cleaning and organizing their house. For others it's running marathons. For others, it's writing books. For me, it's photography.

Taking pictures. Talking about pictures. Talking about cameras or lenses or new skills. All of that makes me SO happy and gives me this like "high" and so much energy. I get so excited!

While we were on vacation, I started reading a new book called 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs, and I was struck by how many lies I had started believing about myself and about my gifts and talents, specifically when it comes to photography. I had started comparing my work to other photographers and been jealous of their successes and it made me feel and believe that I wasn't good enough, that I'll never be good enough, and I might as well just give up now. 

GUYS, photography is something I'm passionate about! Something I've loved for the past SIX years - and I was going to let other people's successes and talents stop me from pursing something I LOVE? That's crazy! 

And I didn't even realize it was happening, at least not exactly. It was subtle at first. I'd see a photo of a photographer I liked and at first it would inspire me. But then as I saw more and more pictures that they had taken and how many clients they had compared to how few clients I had, I felt depressed about it. I would feel jealous, and I hated that they had business and I didn't. And the more that happened, the more I started feeling like why was I even trying to do photography? I might as well give up on my dream and let other people have the clients I might have had. 

In my head, I knew this was stupid and a lie from Satan, but somehow I couldn't overcome it. I prayed about it a ton. I read an amazing article (that I was going to link but apparently no longer exists) that helped me work through some of my envy and jealousy of other photographers and their successes. And then I started reading this book about being brave that I mentioned earlier. And Day 6 has some amazing points that I want to share with you because it really made me think. 

"Satan is a liar. I know you know that, but I want to say it again: he is a liar. He wants to define you, label you, and stop you from being brave and doing the work God has for you."

(later on) 

"It is hard to believe truth if your mind is flooded with confusion and false stories. You hear a lie, you treat it like truth, and it begins to define you, like a label. And then you act out of that label." 

Woah. Powerful stuff, am I right? I mean, think about it - who wants to be labeled by Satan and living that label? That's crazy!! I want my label to be God's label - definitely NOT Satan's. And even though I knew I was believing lies about not being a good enough photographer, somehow reading this chapter, it finally hit me enough that I was just like, woah, what? I'm done Satan. Screw. You. I AM a good photographer. Am I the best? No. But can I get better? Heck yes! 

And honestly, it has been so freeing. Especially because I took a lot of pictures on vacation. Honestly, they're some of the best pictures I've ever taken at our beach vacation (and beach lighting is HARD!). And yet as I pulled them up on the computer before reading this chapter, I kept second-guessing myself about whether or not they were objectively good. And the real truth is that they are. But Satan would have me believe they're not. Why? Because he doesn't want me using my gifts and talents and sharing them with others. Because doing that makes me happy; it energizes me; it makes me a better mom and wife and all around person. 

I don't know if any of you have struggled with jealousy or feeling inadequate but I hope that you know that you are enough, just the way you are. And your gifts and talents and dreams are beautiful - don't let anyone stop you from pursing them. God gave you those desires and he wants you to use your gifts to glorify him! 

I am so grateful that these two women, Annie and Jen, overcame their own struggles to write the books that they did, which have been so key to helping me with my struggles! I'm grateful to the writer of the article (which won't show up now for some reason), which helped me a lot with my jealousy struggles. And most of all, I'm grateful for the gifts that God has given me, and the ability to use them and to continue improving and growing in my knowledge and skills.